Life Changed

     So lets begin. Where better to start then the day my life changed. Though I did not know it at the time nothing was every going to be the same. I came from what I consider a "typical" American family divorced parents that had remarried. I was the only child and spoiled beyond any ones wildest dreams from my mother. My father tried to spoil me but also expect a lot from me. Before he married he taught me at age of twelve how to balance the check book and pay the bills. Supper on table and do all the shopping. He worked i took care of house and it went like that for many years. Typical teen I got in trouble, ran away, and the point I'm getting to I got pregnant at age of fifteen. Life changed then!! It was three months after they found me from running away. It was different then not like today where it is looked at as something that happens. We did not have have high ranking TV shows about it. I was one of the first in my small town and trust me when I say it was very frowned on . I was still so young and naive that I did not even know what an abortion was. Adoption I knew but not to much about. I do not believe if I knew more about either I would of made a different choice. From the day I found out I knew "it" was going to be part of my life for now on. What the TV shows do not tell the girls real well about is the fear, the happiest, the down right saddest a teen feels when the test says positive. For me I got a taste of the mean dirty looks first thing, the nurse at the clinic gave me a dirty look and said ya your pregnant now what you going to do? What I did is cry and scream for my aunt( she took me to the clinic) unknown to me for I was in the room was my mom had followed us. My mom came running into room through her arms around me and said we would be ok. Boy did neither of us know what was in store. I was not with the father truth be told it was only a one night fling. We had no desire to be together and he claimed all through the pregnancy it was not his( DNA proved later it was ). But I had my momma and she stayed by me through every appointment and every pain. School became real hard if people was not staring and calling me names ( this includes the adults) then they was trying to be my best friend cause it was so "neat " I was going to have a baby. Home life was harder I knew I had let many people down how much they tried to hide it. I remember going to an appointment and the nurse gave me a list of foods and drinks I should consume in a day and beer was on it. Ya I know crazy that was the 90's for ya. The nurse grab the paper and scribbled it out. I laughed my mom laughed like scribbling it out made it go away. So it went on from there I got huge my body changed and I had no I idea what to expect and no one really told me what would happen.  Then the day I went in labor came early and many of my family member's came to be there and the pain was awful. I do not care what they say that you forget by the time my son was born I was sixteen I had never went through pain and that was pain I did not forget. All of a sudden I was a mom. In one split second of hearing him scream I knew it was not just me I had to worry about anymore he needed me to. I was real lucky with a guidance teacher he got me two semester home school to stay home with the baby. My mom stayed home the first few days but then I was alone and a new fear set in. What if he chokes, what if he stops breathing, most importantly what if I mess up. Post pardon set in not long after. It was the form where you cling so hard to the baby and just cry, cry ,cry. My body had changed , my thoughts had changed, and my life had changed.  We ( my son and I) made it through them first few weeks with very little problems...Today I look back and think of  first finding out and first weeks of his life and think do I regret? Would I of changed anything? Would he ever know that the first day I looked into his eyes I knew it was me and him against the world and that no matter what happen I would love him and keep him safe....if only that would of stayed true....TBC

why i started this

    Why I'm starting this. I have found in my fifteen years of being a parent that there was always questions I could not find anyone to answer for me. Truth is it was a learning battle from day one, was I making the right choices, how was i going to make it, and so on. This blog is for me to vent! Vent my past , vent my present , and vent things all parents worry about in the future. This is also for parents to come together and see they are not the only ones going through these crazy life things alone and maybe we all can give each other some advise.....